Wednesday, June 2, 2010

out of the mouths of moms

The things that we mothers (and aunts, teachers, grandmothers) say to children each day are some of life’s best comedy. But it’s no joke: Such is life as a mom! To celebrate that truth, and to give us an opportunity to commiserate and laugh together, I came up with Out Of The Mouths Of Moms.

Here’s what I’ve caught myself saying lately:

"Your penis urinated in your pants (and the urine got all over your scrotum and anus) for the 3rd time today? Oh dear. Yes, honey, I am going to put that on my blog. Because it makes me money. I know it's inappropriate. I know it might embarrass you someday. Nope, sorry Sweetie, it goes on the blog. Because it makes me money. I already told you that. No honey, money isn't more important than you per se, Mommy just really likes money. I don't care if you don't understand. Again Sweetheart, it doesn't matter to me that people might read this when you're older and torture you over it. Ok, thank you. It would have gone on the blog whether you liked it or not, but I'm glad you 'gave permishish." Why don’t we go clean off your penis and scrotum? Alright then. Now let’s go wash our hands. I know you didn’t, but just in case."

"Because the Bible says so. It doesn't matter if you like Jewish people, they go to hell. Yes, so do Buddhists. Yes, even some people who call themselves Christians. Honey, it doesn't matter if you think God is a just and fair God and wouldn't send people to an eternity of suffering just because they didn't believe some kooky story in an old book. It's the TRUTH whether we like it or not."

"Is that true? Did you stab your brother in the eye with a knife? Well that's quite naughty, please apologize to your brother for hurting him. Yes, AND clean up the blood. And don't ever do that again. Thank you honey."

If you’d like to play along, just leave your Out Of The Mouths Of Moms quotes in the comments of this post, or write your own post on your own blog and enter the post’s URL here so we can all enjoy it! If you don’t mind, I’d love to share some of your quotes that you leave in comments and on your blogs in my next Out Of The Mouths Of Moms post.
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