I might have CAAAAAAANCER!!!!!!

You guys, I want to say I feel so, so, SO at peace about this, but I MIGHT HAVE CANCER AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY FREAK OUT. I had this insanely scary surgery and had to stay in the hospital and everything. Somehow that didn't put any damper on my or my family's lifestyle, though.

You all know how I'm almost a doctor, right? Well in my professional almost-doctor opinion I probably do have cancer (but I'm soooo at peace about it) and I will probably require blood transfusions in the future.

Here's where you can help! What's that? You didn't ask if you could help? I don't care, it's all about me!!!

So let's do an impromptu BurgerQueenBloodDrive! Yes! Just send me your blood through the mail (contact me for further details), or swing by our home way out in the country and since I'm practically a doctor I can take and store your donated blood for you!

Don't worry about blood types, infectious diseases, or IV drug users. We can work all that out later. Just worry about helping ME. Remember I might probably have cancer.

Gisele Bundchen, Breastfeeding, and Other Keywords

I have been thinking lately (Yes, thinking is entirely possible for me, even though in my case it's not often obvious).

While I was in the hospital recently, I heard news of the mini uproar that a breastfeeding comment made by supermodel Gisele Bundchen generated. My own very first thought when I heard that Gisele said in an interview, “There should be a worldwide law…that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months” was that I am way more famous than Gisele and they should really interview ME about MY thoughts on breastfeeding. So I'm posting them here instead!

What has really gotten my (Christmas) undies in a bunch has been the mini uproar I alluded to. I mean, for the love of Pete, people. The woman was just trying to make a point! I doubt she really meant that breastfeeding should be a law. And, if she did, well…I’ll get to that in a moment. Yet critics have been having a field day with Gisele’s statement.

“It’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard,” actress Bethanny Frankel retorted regarding Gisele’s remarks, felt by some to be highly insensitive.

But you know what? The more I thought and thought about it, the more I realized how utterly not “absurd” Gisele’s statement actually was. At least not when compared to all the other laws our own country has as it regards the care and health and well being of children. The fact that folks are so upset about the notion that breastfeeding should be a law screams irony in the loudest way.

Bethanny, after calling Gisele’s opinion “absurd,” went on to say that “breastfeeding is one of the most rewarding experiences, but it isn’t for everyone.”

I just wonder if the idea, whether Gisele literally meant it or not, of a law supporting breastfeeding is really as far-fetched and ridiculous an idea as some people are making it. Or, at the very least, if it’s really that different than other laws or beliefs largely agreed on by everyone.

If it is so “absurd” to entertain the idea of a law supporting breastfeeding, then why oh why do we have throngs of people, and a President who probably wasn't even born in the US, in support of mandatory vaccination of children via the public school system? Why are their laws saying that we have to strap out children into car seats? Why can't we beat our children or murder them? All of those things are exactly equivalent to each other and to breastfeeding, obviously. That's right, I'm equating not feeding your child breastmilk with intentionally endangering their lives by not buckling them into a car seat. Have I gone completely insane? BASICALLY.

Ahem. Anyway. Do you see where I’m going here? I cannot, just cannot, wrap my mind around the notion that the angry mob attacking Gisele’s words (We're on a first-name basis because I'm super famous!) has been clinging to: that the government has no business telling us how to best care for our children when these same people daily support the government in fact stepping in and telling us, in other ways, how to best care for our children.

Even Bethanny’s quote that “breastfeeding is one of the most rewarding experiences, but it isn’t for everyone” kind of rubbed me the wrong way. It was as if she was saying that the benefits of breastfeeding are solely for the mother. What if taking the time to buckle our child into a carseat “wasn’t for us”? Or if making sure our children had enough vitamins in their diet just wasn’t a concern of ours? I venture to say that it shouldn’t matter. Breastmilk is best for our children. Carseats are the safest way to travel. Why the severe digging in of heels when the notion of a breastfeeding law is brought up, then?

I don’t know why. I just wish that the same intensity with which so many people bristled (and rightly so) at the idea of a breastfeeding law would be also afforded to other areas of mothering. We should be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want, without the government intervening with its pesky laws.

At least, I THINK that's my point. It's a little hard to figure out what I'm actually thinking or saying when I ramble on and on and repeat myself numerous times and then throw in some italics and big words to make myself sound smarter than you are. And I am pretty sure Gisele would agree with me too.

What think you?!

Totally True! Tuesday

It's totally true - I'm posting this a day early because I have SO much time on my hands, even with my preemie newborn and my 4 other SC* and my darling Burger King and my massive mansion and my straw bale gardens and my organic cooking and the breastfeeding and the cloth diapering! I have ample amounts of time, yep! TOTALLY TRUE!

It's totally true that I have blogged and tweeted nearly constantly since my preemie Cash was born. I did not take even the slightest break from my "job" even though everybody would have understood and been supportive, because I am addicted to attention and need constant reassurance from my sheeple. It's TOTALLY TRUE!

Ok, back to bonding with my preemie writing more stock blogs and tweeting! Yep! Totally true.

*Small Children

We've Been Waiting for You!!!

CASH…was born today, August 2, 2010, at 1:04 pm!

He weighs 6 pounds, 14 ounces and is 21 inches long. Cash Money (Cash MO-ney) has light brown hair, got a 9 and a 9 on his APGAR tests and has four siblings who adore him and can’t wait to meet him. Oh, and a mama who is incredibly taken with her new son and a daddy who is already making guesses about his bright future. A new jetski? A bigger, better house? Where will little Cash Money take us?!

We are absolutely over the moon about our fifth child. As soon as my eyes spotted Cash, I was smitten. I discovered instantaneously that I love our Cash with a mad intensity that is almost frightening. We’ve been waiting for him, but we wait no longer.

Welcome to the world, sweet Cash. We’ve been waiting for you!!

out of the mouths of moms

The things that we mothers (and aunts, teachers, grandmothers) say to children each day are some of life’s best comedy. But it’s no joke: Such is life as a mom! To celebrate that truth, and to give us an opportunity to commiserate and laugh together, I came up with Out Of The Mouths Of Moms.

Here’s what I’ve caught myself saying lately:

"Your penis urinated in your pants (and the urine got all over your scrotum and anus) for the 3rd time today? Oh dear. Yes, honey, I am going to put that on my blog. Because it makes me money. I know it's inappropriate. I know it might embarrass you someday. Nope, sorry Sweetie, it goes on the blog. Because it makes me money. I already told you that. No honey, money isn't more important than you per se, Mommy just really likes money. I don't care if you don't understand. Again Sweetheart, it doesn't matter to me that people might read this when you're older and torture you over it. Ok, thank you. It would have gone on the blog whether you liked it or not, but I'm glad you 'gave permishish." Why don’t we go clean off your penis and scrotum? Alright then. Now let’s go wash our hands. I know you didn’t, but just in case."


"Because the Bible says so. It doesn't matter if you like Jewish people, they go to hell. Yes, so do Buddhists. Yes, even some people who call themselves Christians. Honey, it doesn't matter if you think God is a just and fair God and wouldn't send people to an eternity of suffering just because they didn't believe some kooky story in an old book. It's the TRUTH whether we like it or not."


"Is that true? Did you stab your brother in the eye with a knife? Well that's quite naughty, please apologize to your brother for hurting him. Yes, AND clean up the blood. And don't ever do that again. Thank you honey."


If you’d like to play along, just leave your Out Of The Mouths Of Moms quotes in the comments of this post, or write your own post on your own blog and enter the post’s URL here so we can all enjoy it! If you don’t mind, I’d love to share some of your quotes that you leave in comments and on your blogs in my next Out Of The Mouths Of Moms post.

Rules Were Made to be Broken. As Long as They Don't Apply to ME.

I have a love/hate relationship with rules.

On one hand, I love rules. I need them. Rules like the ones that say I go to heaven but all the Jews who died in the Holocaust without accepting Jesus go straight to hell? GOOD RULE. It's completely unwavering, makes TOTAL sense, and we cannot question it or interpret it. Me? Heaven! You? Hell! That's why I'm a born again Christian.

On the other hand, I hate rules. Rules that say I have to pay for things I purchase? BAD RULE. That rule makes no sense at all, am I right? Luckily, there is a way around it and I will let you know what it is right now.

The Burger QUEEN philosophy on rules boils down to this: I always follow them!!! The catch? I only follow the ones that apply to me.

You know that rule about paying your bills on time? Doesn't apply to Burger Queen!

The one about following directions posted on official signs (keep off the grass, etc)? That one doesn't apply to me if it's a really great spot for a picture. Otherwise I totally follow it.

The ones put in place by our government to ensure our safety - like no pictures in the customs line? Luckily that one doesn't apply to me either because we don't believe in big government (tea party, yeah!). Likewise, many of the laws in this country don't apply to the Burger King, so he doesn't have to follow them. Things like speed limits, fishing licenses, window tinting, not threatening physical violence against your wife...those rules make no sense!!!

The rules about waiting your turn for your plane to take off? Doesn't apply to me or my moderately ill child - and I'm glad air traffic controllers in this country recognize that!

Speaking of air traffic controllers: the rules on airplanes? Those are just the worst and make the least sense. I mean really, why do you have to be 15 to sit in an emergency exit row??? The BK children need more leg room than the average child and I'm sure the stewardess will recognize that next time we fly.

Sometimes it's tough figuring out which rules apply to me and which rules don't. My simple test is "do I like this rule?" If the answer is yes, I must follow it, no exceptions!

Sigh.

BK Tuna Dinner

Usually, when I cook or bake (which isn’t often), I don’t use a recipe. Or, at least not one created by someone else. Sometimes my creations turn out smashingly. Other times, not as much. I think the meal item I am most proud of concocting is my BK Tuna Helper. It is one that I like to whip up for the BKFamily when we're not eating at, well, BK. Or Chipotle. So here is what you'll need for this completely healthy, totally organic, Burger QUEEN invented recipe:

BK Tuna Helper

You'll Need:

One box Tuna Helper

Two cans tuna

1 cup milk

water

2 T butter

To Make:

Mix everything together in a pan and bring to boil. Cover, and let simmer about 10-12 minutes, then remove from heat and allow sauce to thicken.

Enjoy as dinner, or any meal really. I put the leftovers in the fridge and use them later as a lunch, or even a snack! I know you would never have thought of that on your own! You can even put them in your microwave to warm them up.

Enjoy! And please do come back and tell me what you thought.

Winners!

Congratulations to YOU! YOU have raised $165 for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. (Speaking of which, don't miss the post below this one where I discuss what God is doing in my marriage).

I'm so proud of you rabid rabbits, and I'm so excited to give all the glory to HIM. And myself. But mostly HIM! For clicking away so obediently, I want to reward one of you with, wait for it, a $10 BK Crown Card!!! And the winner is....WetTrampolinesRSafe!!! Doesn't the random pick of that screen name just seem like a MESSAGE that wet trampolines ARE safe? But I digress. Get in touch with me at burger.kings.queen (at) gmail (dot) com to claim your prize.

Submission is not a Four-Letter Word

The Burger King and I don’t have a perfect marriage. But the thing is, until rather recently, we had a much less than perfect marriage. (C’mon. I can get really vulnerable and real with you guys, right? I feel safe enough and bold enough to do it tonight, so, before I change my mind, I’ll plow ahead).

But that, my friends, was then. Now, we have a perfecting marriage. Get it? It’s a verb. We are being made perfect. By God, of course. He is performing a miracle in our marriage, and he could in yours too! IF He loves you enough! Are you being abused by your husband? Are you fearful that your husband's violence may be affecting your children? Well before you think about leaving the situation, read on for my extremely dangerous brilliant marital advice.

This summer, when we learned that Sausage Biscuit was gravely ill, our marital relationship was stretched to say the least. The Burger King and I were both pushing each other away at that time. Men like to be able to fix things (don't you just love gender stereotypes?!). And I liked to think I could control things (I still do!) by keeping such a tight grip on them that there was no way to go but my way.

The Burger King was becoming more and more abusive, and when the police couldn't do much I was finally driven to listen to God about my marriage. I realized there was and is nothing I can do to guarantee a fulfilling marriage with my husband.

Nothing, that is, apart from choosing to follow God’s will for my marriage, which is, apparently, treating The Burger King like the King he is, even if he is acting like a complete dick (which he does often, just read the comment section on his posts!).

I am beginning to strive to speak nicely to my husband even when he is not doing the same. I seek to respect him even if he is not acting respectable, which is, ahem, often. What if by striving to honor The Burger King even when he hasn’t earned that from me, I then am able to be more like Jesus? Wouldn’t that be an awesome outcome of marriage?! I glorify my Savior when I submit to my husband, no matter how abusive and awful he is to me, and no matter how much our fights might damage our precious children.

Submit is not a word that is in my everyday vocabulary and I know it can rub some folks the wrong way. For goodness sake, it has rubbed me the wrong way for much of my marriage! Submitting to an abuser is no easy task! But I cannot deny that the Bible freely uses the word submit when referring to marriage. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” And, because I follow the Bible exactly (that's right! we keep kosher!), I must submit to my abusive husband, and so should you.

As my husband and I are allowing God to now rebuild our marriage brick by brick, God has gone from whispering in my ear and tapping me on my shoulder to gently shaking me with both hands and speaking directly in my face: “Stop fabricating rules, like 'please don't threaten me with bodily harm' that your husband must follow before you’ll let yourself be happy. Just serve me with your marriage. Even if you're miserable.Being happy isn’t the goal I even created marriage to help my children attain! Give The Burger King leeway to lead you, for I have put your him in that role for you.”

Okay, God. If You say so.

In surrendering my need to be fulfilled by another human being, I thought I’d be left with a bit of a hollow feeling. And I am. But I have to pretend to have found peace in my marriage because it gets me more clicks.

Forsake myself and my desires, follow God by putting my abusive husband first, choose to seek to make him happy instead of myself, and it all flows back down. His desires are becoming mine as I realize that that is the only way I will remain safe.

Life is still most certainly not perfect. I am not always happy. But I am coming to learn that that is okay. And putting my husband first will never be a bad choice for me, because if I don't, he will make me and our children suffer. And I'd probably have to call the cops again.

Please, my friends, feel absolutely free to agree or disagree that this is how marriage ought to work. Of course, women cannot singlehandedly heal marriages by putting their husbands first. But keep in mind that I believe (and therefore you should believe) that God can heal any marriage. God can do anything, right??? Which means no matter how bad, no matter how dangerous, no matter how many times your life has been threatened, God could heal your marriage. Just trust me on this one.

***Domestic Violence is no laughing matter. This post is written as a parody, and not necessarily a funny parody, of a certain blogger's beliefs. It is meant to highlight just how ridiculous it is to counsel women in abusive relationships that if God just loved them enough, He could heal their marriage. If you are being abused or you do not feel safe in your relationship, please seek help from professionals in your area, or call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233)***

Miracle Feet!

Please scroll through these 687 pictures of Sausage Biscuit's feet and then tell me what an awesome photographer I am!



I would tell you about the contents of his diaper but nobody wants to hear that. What's that? You do want to hear??? His diaper contained the stickers from his apple! It's great fiber, try it!

Totally True! Tuesday

Before we get going with Totally True! Tuesday, I want to remind you that our comment for charity post is still going on below! If you haven't yet done so, go to the post below this one and leave a comment to benefit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Now, on with Totally True! Tuesday!

Are you feeling guilty for all the lies you've told over the past few years, so many you can barely keep your stories straight?? Overcome with shame because your straw bale gardening isn't going as well as mine?? Well, don’t be! Totally True! Tuesday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I’d rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

I’ll start!

It is totally true that I let my children engage in dangerous behavior because I'm pretty sure they have special protection from Jesus - He didn't let Stellan Sausage Biscuit die and He would never let another child of mine be hurt either. It's because way more people pray for my children than yours! Yep! It's totally true!

It is totally true that I will continually attempt to reinvent myself based on criticism on my blog! I can try and try and try to play the perfect, humble Christian, no matter how transparent the whole pious-for-clicks act gets. Yep! It's totally true!!!

So what do you say? Would you like to share what is totally true in your life? If so, join the Totally True! Tuesday fun!

Anyone is welcome to write a Totally True! Tuesday on their blog; to qualify to link up on my blog, please make sure you meet these requirements: Simply write your own post on your blog and link back within your post to my blog so I can make lots and lots of money off of what you think is just a fun little game. If you don't follow these rules I will hunt you down and sue you.

Happy Totally True!-ing.

AND GO!

This is it! Just leave a comment, any old comment, on this post, and for every comment I will be donating $5 to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please only one comment per person. I will also draw one random commenter for a prize.

So, get the word out and let's start commenting for charity.

Comments will close whenever I decide they close.

GO GO! CLICK CLICK!

TBK: Instead of Parenting, I film!

Winner Winner (Fried) Chicken Dinner

Oh rabid rabbits, I love your hearts. I have decided to donate to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, as many of you suggested. Not that I have any experience with domestic violence, because, as you all know, I have the perfect marriage. Ahem. But, the NCADV is definitely going to receive some money from our donation post tomorrow. AND, depending on how many comments I get (or in other words, how much money you raise), I may split the money with another charity. We shall see! I just can't wait to do this post and give all the glory to God myself. STAY TUNED and get your mouses ready to CLICK CLICK CLICK!

Stream of Consciousness

Little Sausage Biscuit and I will be traveling by plane tomorrow all by ourselves, without the other three or TBK. We will miss the rest of our family dearly, but I trust TBK with our children completely. As long as all 6 nannies are around too. Ahem.

I will be doing a photography tutorial next week! I know you're dying for tips, and trust me, I am dying to give them out. Speaking of photography, are any of you going to be in the great state of Washington next week? I'll be there. And I'll take your picture. For the low low price of $2,000!

Oh, I just wanted to mention, completely randomly, some products I love and am in no way being paid to promote here on my humble blog! Ahem. I love the ergo baby carrier. It's just one of the structured carriers I've been into for many years now. Also, just an aside, isn't Coach the best? Oh and this etsy shop and this one and this one. And this furniture. Ahem.

Lastly, the Lord has laid it on my heart to take some of the proceeds from this blog and do some good. As I discussed in this post, the majority of the proceeds from this blog will go straight into mine and TBK's pockets. But! That doesn't mean that I can't appear to be generous and caring and keep you all coming back for more! In that spirit, please give me some suggestions in the comments for worthy charities and I will do a post where I will donate $5 for every comment to the chosen charity (I'm serious) (make some good suggestions) (I get a decent number of hits on this blog and I'm happy to do a donation post). So you have your marching orders, rabid rabbits, go! GO!

Quotes That Have Been Speaking to ME Lately

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty... But I am too busy thinking about myself.
-Edith Sitwell

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
-Emo Philips



The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-Alexander Pope

Woodland Creature Recipe

Whew, that was quite a discussion in my comments to this post yesterday, wasn't it? I'm just glad we can all come together and agree on the most important thing: that I am right.

Moving on, you rabid rabbits have requested my recipes so many times that I have no choice but to comply! You guys blow me away.

As you may or may not know, I hate to cook! Or really, I hate following recipes (following recipes is a lot like following the rules...and rules don't apply to me!). But, I still have a family to feed so occasionally, when we're not at Chipotle as God mandated, I will put something together. Here is my very favorite creation:

Ingredients:

1 can of corn
1 can of black beans
1 can of garbanzo beans
salsa
salt
garlic powder
TONS OF CILANTRO

Instructions:

Get a big bowl.
Put everything in the bowl (but don't forget to open the cans first!)
Stir it up.
Eat with an entire bag cool ranch Doritos!

I'm practically a nutritionist and I can assure you that this meal is incredibly healthy, all organic and VERY low sodium.

Send me pictures of your meal after following this recipe and I'll post them!!!!!!! Maybe I'll even link to YOUR blog!

Totally True! Tuesday

Are you feeling guilty for not clicking on my blog enough lately to get more tips on how to be more like me? Overcome with shame because you'll never be as good a mother OR as good a Christian as I am?? Well, don’t be! Totally True! Tuesday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I’d rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

I’ll start!

It is totally true that I will mislead you and manipulate you without actually lying, because lying isn't Christian! For example, it's totally true that I claimed that Heavenly Hold doesn't "pay" me for saying I like their stuff - what I didn't mention is that I likely get free baby carriers if you click through my link. Yep! It's totally true!

It is totally true that I will claim over and over again that I never pay attention to my naysayers, but then I will subtly address them on my blog over and over! Yep! It's totally true!!!

It is totally true that I will take a ridiculously long time to approve critical comments. I will leave your comment until I have buried the post to make sure nobody reads any criticism of me because I must be in total control at all times! But, then I will approve your comment later so I can just claim I've been busy (but not too busy to tweet 486 times a day). I'll also likely answering it by starting with "sorry YOU misunderstood! I'm actually perfect and here's why!" It's totally true!

So what do you say? Would you like to share what is totally true in your life? If so, join the Totally True! Tuesday fun!

Anyone is welcome to write a Totally True! Tuesday on their blog; to qualify to link up on the list here on my blog, please make sure you meet these requirements: Simply write your own post on your blog and link back within your post to my blog so I can make lots and lots of money off of what you think is just a fun little game. If you don't follow these rules I will hunt you down and sue you.

Happy Totally True!-ing.

In which I rant about whoppers and socialism

We have small group every Sunday night. We enjoy dinner together each week and then all of the children, ages toddler to teenager, fellowship together downstairs while we adults have our study. Two Sundays ago, it was our family's turn to bring dinner.

You know me, I'm a culinary expert in the kitchen, with tons of free time on my hands to cook for a houseful of people. Hahahahahah. Or, not. So, on this particular Sunday, we left for small group early so we could swing by Burger King. I figured Whoppers and fries would be a sure crowd pleaser.

I wanted to purchase 48 whoppers and 48 large fries that night.

The following is, no exaggeration, just ask my husband who was right beside me in the car the whole time, a relatively accurate documentation of the transaction that ensued:

Me: "Hi! I'd actually like to get 48 Whoppers and 48 fries right now please!"

BK lady: "48???"

Me: "Yes, please. 48!!!" I smile.

BK lady: "Uummmm...." she looks around. "Just a minute." The BK lady walks away.

From behind the fryer, I can hear her talking to another woman.

BK lady: "Say, there is a lady out here who wants 48 Whoppers and 48 fries right now."

BK lady remains behind the fryer while the head chef or BK manager or whoever she was exactly comes to the register where I'm waiting.

Head chef lady: "So, what is it that we can help you with?"

Me: "Oh, I'd just like you to make me 48 whoppers and 48 fries right now."

Long pause in which head chef lady just looks at me.

Head chef lady: "Are you having an impromptu party or something?" She smiles.

Me: "Not really. We're heading to small group with people from our church, and I'm supposed to bring dinner for everyone!" I smile.

Head chef lady: "Well, it would really be easier if you'd call ahead when you had such a big order."

Me: "Oh, um, I'm sorry. I didn't think of that."

Head chef lady: "Yeah, with wanting so much, it would be much better if you called ahead. You know, just to make sure we had enough."

Me: "Oh, I didn't really know what I was going to get. I just came in to see what you had enough of. It didn't have to be Whoppers. I could've gotten a bunch of chicken tenders or something. But, seeing as you do have enough Whoppers for me, that's what I'd like to get. Please."

Head chef lady: "Oh. Well, okay. I suppose you can have it your way."

Me: "Of course I can. I always do"

Head chef lady walks away. BK lady reappears. BK lady does not make eye contact. BK lady starts making up whoppers one at a time and packing them into boxes. As she's packing, a customer walks up to the counter and makes eye contact with BK lady.

Customer: "I'd like a Whopper meal, please. With fries."

I anticipate the BK lady saying, "I'm helping this customer incredible being of light and splendor, but I'll be with you in a moment!" or "Oh, we just sold the last of our Whoppers, but more will be ready in about ten minutes if you'd like to wait?" But that is not what she says. I swear I'm not making this stuff up. There is a pause after the customer's order and then the BK lady looks at me like she's waiting for me to answer the lady.

BK lady: "Well? Can she?"

Me: "Oh! Well, um, sure. I'm sure there will still be plenty left for everyone in our group." I was seriously happy to share a Whopper.

The BK lady proceeds to give the customer a Whopper and fries, including one fries that was already in my box since she'd already packed all of those. I tried very hard not to let my jaw go slack at everything that was transpiring.

When I told my husband about what had happened, he mumbled something under his breath about socialism, which was ironically the exact word one of the other husbands in our small group said when I retold the Burger King story upon arriving at our pastor's house.

Without Because I love drawing inappropriate or dramatic parallels, I must say that what happened to me at Burger King is very much a microcosm of a socialist government. A type of government of which I happen to not be a fan!!! Now granted, the one point at which the BK example deviates from true socialism lies in the moment that the BK lady asked me if she could give a Whopper I'd already committed to purchasing to the customer who came up behind me. In true socialism, I wouldn't have had a say. If the leaders, in this case the BK lady and head chef, deemed that the someone was deserving of my Whopper, I would be legally forced to give it up. Or, I could have been, as I almost was, preventing from buying what the leaders considered "too much" in the first place. I think that is such a backwards way of governing and running an economy that I can hardly even wrap my mind around it.

Now listen to my heart, here while I give you another example of bailouts that are a lot like socialism and therefore I hate. Let's say I bought a house. Or maybe even two houses. I had just enough money to get a home loan at the time, and I made my monthly payments. Then imagine the economy takes a nosedive. My husband loses work, our child falls ill, we bought a bunch of useless crap like jet skis and fancy cars, and we just can't make the housing payments. Even worse, the housing market has imploded and our house is no longer worth enough to sell it and pay off the loan.

Now, because I hate socialism and I hate bailouts, what SHOULD happen is that the bank should take and sell our house and we should be on the hook for the rest of the money we owe on the loan, right? Of course! I wouldn't have it any other way because I am not a fan of making society at large pay for one person's financial mistakes!!! It would be absolutely ridiculous for me to expect my neighbors and others to pay the price for my financial irresponsibility, wouldn't it? But I know what you're thinking: it wouldn't be very fair to me to force me to pay more money for the house than it was worth, would it?

No, it wouldn't be fair. I don't think a legalized, enforced "fairness for all" is the way to handle things in an economy. If I earned my own money by exploiting my children through blogging, got to Burger King and wanted to buy all the Whoppers, it shouldn't matter. What happens to everyone else who might want Whoppers later shouldn't be forced by my political superiors to be my responsibility. Similarly, if I can't make my housing payments, my neighbors and society at large shouldn't be forced to pay the price. But that is exactly what happens in socialism and it is, sadly, the direction I see our great nation heading. Have you SEEN all the foreclosures and bailouts happening lately???

Argh! This is not the hallmark of a healthy society, in my opinion.

But doesn't everyone deserve a Whopper (or an expensive home)!? Shouldn't what happens to everyone else who might want to buy Whoppers (or houses) later actually be my concern, too? Before you go rolling your eyes and calling me an entitled Whopper hoarder who doesn't care for her fellow man, let me correct you. I most certainly do! I very much want the customer in line behind me to have Whoppers, and Miichelle and her family to have Whoppers, and my neighbors who are struggling and the people at homeless shelters downtown. They do deserve Whoppers, and houses, absolutely!!!

But to steal from the rich (ME ME ME!) and give to the poor is no model I think we ought to follow. Instead, I'd love to see our country inspire the rich to want to reach the poor whilst creating an economy where everyone can earn their own Whoppers, and can do with their fast food earnings whatever they want.

At least, that's what I think. What do you think?

Finally!!!!

FameAddict's Feet...

Finally Featured...

For Foolish...

Followers!!!

Contest!!!

There is a contest going on on my twitter right now. What's that? You don't yet follow me on twitter? Well, just click right here to follow me and get guessing for your chance to win an ipad!!!

Introducing...

Introducing....

THE BURGER KING!

That's right, my husband has decided to start blogging! Some of you guessed right about who I was talking about in my last post. Too bad it wasn't a giveaway post...maybe next time! Keep trying!

Let me warn you, he is a very BOLD blogger! Don't read his stuff if you're easily offended! My husband is SUCH a good Christian and a good example to our children. He has come SO FAR in his walk with the Lord and I am SO PROUD of him for that. I love his heart!

And his first post can be found RIGHT HERE!....ahem, right here, on my blog:

Hi, I'm the Burger King, otherwise known as TBK. I am now blogging on the Burger QUEEN'S blog. And here is my first post:

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PORN AND DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!

EXCITING NEWS!

I'm going to be merging my blog with ANOTHER blogger very soon!!! Any guesses on who that other blogger might be? If you guess correctly, I might give you a fabulous prize. Or I might not, in fact I might not even mention it. Start commenting!!!!

Some of My Amazing Christian Wisdom!!!

You may have noticed the ads added to my blog.

What's that? You didn't actually notice?

Well I will tell you about them anyway.

The Lord has laid it on our hearts to monetize this blog. My husband, TBK (that's the BURGER KING for those of you who are new followers) and I have prayed about this constantly and we believe that God told us to put ads on my blog.

Now, MY very first thought was "this is great! Now I can donate all the proceeds from my blog to charities my husband and I are passionate about!" But Jesus had other plans. You see, TBK and I have a direct line to God and he talks to us very clearly. He convicted us to use the proceeds from my blog NOT for charity, but for ourselves.

I know what you're thinking because I thought the same thing: what???

Wouldn't God prefer we use the proceeds from this blog for charity as we originally discussed? Why in the world would God want us to squander the ad money on huge houses, gas guzzling cars, shabby-chic furniture and turquoise paint? Oh and tons of Chipotle? (God was very clear that we must eat Chipotle a minimum of eight times a week).

My answer is that we don't always HAVE all the answers. Only GOD has all the answers, and they may not be clear to us in this life. That's what it means to be a Christian though - do what God tells you to do no matter how insane it seems. For example, do you remember When God told Abraham to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice? That story was completely literal, and Abraham OBEYED God without question. Then at the last second God said "Oh Abraham, I was totally kidding, don't actually burn your child alive!"and God and Abraham sat down and had a good laugh over the whole thing. Then God bought Abraham a fancy new camera and sent him on a cruise. (Or something like that).

My husband and I have decided, no matter how hard it is for us to accept, that we must follow the example of Abraham in the Bible and sacrifice our children spend tons of money on ourselves. As a Christian, there really is no other choice. What do you think about our decision?

Just for the Record

I just want to take a moment to let you all know that I will not be addressing the naysayers on my blog, on my twitter or in my community. It's so funny that I even know there are naysayers because honestly, I don't ever pay any attention to people who aren't 100% positive towards me! I never read "hate" blogs about me, I never read (and then delete!) any negative comments on my blog or in my community. But just hypothetically, if there were naysayers, I wouldn't address them.

I'm not really surprised people criticize me constantly, because I don't know if you knew this, but I'm a Christian. Francis Chan said, "Do not be surprised when people persecute you (1 Peter 4:12). In fact, you should be concerned if people speak too well of you because that is how the false prophets were treated. At the end of the day, it is all about the Holy Spirit and what He has called you to do." That's right - you know I'm a real prophet because of the NAYSAYERS!

God laid it on my heart that I should not respond to the accusations and I only answer to HIM. My life is only about the Holy Spirit and what HE calls me to do. That's why I have this blog where I try so hard to get tons of clicks and comments, because that glorifies Jesus, not me!

Let me admit something, friends. I do mess up. I know you wouldn't think that from reading my blog, because I am practically perfect in every way, but sometime, very rarely, I do sin. I'm a lot like you. I am such a bold blogger that I will actually address and admit my sins when somebody forces me to. Luckily though, Jesus is all about forgiveness. I am eternally grateful for the fact that Jesus has forgiven me for every single sin I have committed, and therefore I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and never be held accountable for any of it! And I will keep doing that until the day I die and take up residence in Glory.

If you disagree with me, I guess you hate Jesus.

Just for the record.

Sneak Peak

Here is a sneak peak of our newest babe, lil Oreo BK Sundae Shake!



I've already had so many requests to talk about my amazing photography skillz, I will do a post on them soon, I promise!

How to Get Your Kids to Eat Anything

Don't you wish you were as good a mother as I am? My kids eat healthy stuff all the time and I know you are just dying to be more like me, so I decided to share with you some of my amazing wisdom in the area of getting kids to eat anything. Or almost anything. Or at least try some of what you serve them!

The most important thing is to offer them choices choices choices! From day one I've offered lots of choices to our children. Basically they can have it their way! They can choose a whopper or a cheeseburger. Regular fries or onion rings. A chocolate shake or a strawberry shake. Do you see how I offer them so many healthy choices and then let THEM choose?

For instance, here is what my kids had for lunch yesterday:

(image via this page)

Look at all those healthy options! You say your children will only eat chicken nuggets? That's only because you're not as good a mother as I am! I mean have you ever even THOUGHT of offering them some BK chicken fries? Also, healthy dips are so super important. I often provide my children a choice between ketchup, mayo or honey mustard sauce for dipping. It's amazing how much more they eat when they can dip!

So there we go, we do our best. Obviously your best will never be as good as my best, but keep trying as you can be more like me every day!